ODE TO THE MADNESS
by Vega Moon Star
Summary: Found these papers with old ideas on them. WARNING: Product of boredom! Duo terrorizes his comrades and telemarketers. ONE SHOT...type thing...? Ok I don't know what's going on...


**A/N: Ok so I was going through some old junk and found these papers..."Top the Pet Rock" is an off shoot for my old Problems in Paradise story that was taken done a few years back, "Duo and the telemarketers" is a product of me and Kiken being bored, and "Duo's Answering Machine" is ideas I had for voice mails and such.**

**ODE TO THE MADNESS**

TOP THE PET ROCK

Boys sit on the couch watching TV. Duo looks sad a depressed….

**Quatre**- Duo whats wrong?

**Duo**- nothing

**Wufei**- Cut the crap Maxwell and spill it…

**Trowa**- it's not the rabbit trap again is it?

**Duo**- no

others look relieved

**Heero**- the whats wrong?

**Duo**- nothing…now if you'll excuse me…I'm going to go jump of a cliff…

**Wufei**- stop the dramatics already…

**Duo**- I'm fine…really

**Quatre**- ok but if you change your mind we're right here…

a few days later

**Wufei**- Damn it Maxwell!

**Heero**- Duo tell us whats wrong before you drive Wufei nuts

**Duo**- its nothing

**Trowa**- shakes head

**Quatre**- stop lying. If it was nothing you'd be eating food instead of dog biscuits.

**Duo**- I happen to like them. They're beefy yet cheesy…and crunchy. And I think the puppy on the box is cute.

**Heero**- if this is your pathetic attempt at getting a dog…forget it.

**Duo**- I have a pet thank you very much…and he's a damn good one too…

**Trowa**- Duo how can a rock be a good pet?

**Duo**- But Top is no ordinary rock. He's my rock!

**Wufei**- For the love of God!

A few weeks later

**Wufei**- Maxwell cut it out!

**Duo**- pets Top my precious…

**Heero**- Duo…please?

**Duo**- still petting Top My birthday-

**Heero**- DON'T FINISH THAT!

**Quatre**- How does he do that?

**Trowa**- Do what?

**Quatre**- change the subject like that.

**Trowa**- Beats me…

One month later

**Duo**- GIVE HIM BACK!

**Wufei**- holds up Top Tell us whats wrong!

**Duo**- No

**Heero**- why?

**Duo**- because there's nothing wrong…

**Trowa**- Duo..you were sitting on the ground in ripped up pj's holding a teddy bear and a knife, rocking back and forth singing a creepy lullaby.

**Duo**- So?

**Trowa**- So…when you sitting on a street corner like that asking people who walk by to kill you…it shows something is wrong…

**Quatre-** don't forget that he spent over $300 on dog biscuits

**Duo**- That's no reason to rock-nap Top!

**Heero**- Just tell us whats wrong!

**Duo**- ALRIGHT! Fine but I didn't tell you this to protect you…I found out something about my past. tears

everyone leans forward awaiting the news

**Duo**- I'm not American…I'm CANADIAN!

anime fall

**Wufei**- pulls out katana MAXWELL!

**Duo**- EEEP! runs away

**A/N: I have nothing against Canada or it's residents…my teacher is Canadian…I think you guys are awesome!**

DUO AND THE TELEMARKETERS (spl)

**#1**

Duo- hello

Tele M. (telemarketer)-hello

Duo- Hello?

Tele M.- Hello?

Duo- HELLO?

Tele M.- Yes…

Duo- HELLO? HELLO!

Tele M.- Sir I-

-click-

**#2**

Duo- Hello

Tele M.- Hello sir I'm calling from the A-Z insurance Company to offer you a-

Duo- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-click-

**#3**

Duo- Hello

Tele M.- Hel

Duo- LO

pause

Tele M.- Hel

Duo- LO

Tele M.- ummm

Duo- mmmmm

Tele M.- O

Duo- K!

-click-

**#4**

Duo- yes?

Tele M.- hello sir. I'm calling for the Swimmers Inc. summer special bringing you the finest in swim ware.

Duo- do you have any speedos that fit Top?

Tele M.- Who?

Duo- Top.

Tele M.- who's Top?

Duo- My pet rock!

Tele M.- Your pet..rock?

Duo- Yep! Although could you give him some in hot pink?

Tele M.- P-Pink?

Duo- Yeah. Oh and can you give me matching goggles and inner tube. You know make the inner tube a blow up kitten…

Tele M.- For you or your rock?

Duo- the rock stupid! I'm not gay! Not that I have anything against being homosexual…or a rocks choice of sexuality…but male rocks just don't…do…it for me ya know?

-click-

DUO'S ANSWERING MACHINE

**ring ring**

Ans- Hello…..uhuh….yeah……uhuh…hmmmm…sure….uhuh….

/BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans-( **valley** **girl** **voice**)

Hi! You've like totally reached Luigi's Pizza!

Press one if you're calling about Lost Lip Gloss!

Press two if you want a date Saturday night

Press three if you are actually calling for pizza

And press four if you like totally have the wrong number!

Kisses!

/BEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans- snore

/BEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans- LEAVE A MESSAGE!

/BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans- (deep breathing)

giggle giggle

(more deep breathing)

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

/BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans- oh oh oh

Alittle to the left

Ooooh oh oh

Up a little

Yeeeeeaaaah

moan

oh Oh OH

/BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP/

**ring ring**

Ans- soft shaky whispering…like a lullaby

I'll never tell…

I'll never tell…

I'll never tell…

/BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP/

**A/N: Ok I have know idea what possessed me to do this...**


End file.
